The RSVP

•June 7, 2011 • 2 Comments

Jonathan and I received a wedding RSVP via e-mail a few weeks ago that deeply hurt us.  This person shared that their family would not be attending our wedding due to their belief that they consider my re-marriage adultery.  Verses like 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 and Matthew 19:8-9 were thrown in my face.

What the family didn’t know is that I e-mailed my Teaching Pastor here at Grace with those same verses when Jonathan and I began getting more serious over a year ago.  Tim explained that Paul was addressing the specific problem of Corinthian women who were leaving their husbands (oftentimes new Christians leaving their unbelieving spouces).  Back in the day, women were considered property, so even if they left, they were still “owned” by their husband.  Women legally couldn’t remarry since they always belonged to the husband. 

Today, we have the legal right to divorce, and (thankfully) I never was – nor am I now – the property of my ex-husband.  Perhaps the most appropriate sentences from my pastor’s response were, “I don’t believe that when we say that this verse in the Bible is addressing something far more complicated than we can see on the surface we are not running rough-shod over the Bible… This scripture, if used against you at this time in your life, would be taking something written for a specific time and place and using it as a sledge hammer in our time and place without understanding the principles behind the things Paul says.” 

I responded to the RSVP, explaining Tim’s insight into the cultural context of the Bible.  I further clarified that though the primary reason I left my ex-husband was due to abuse, he was guilty of sexual immorality in our marriage (part of the Matthew verse quoted).  His pornography problem, his raping me, and his near-arrest for voyeurism all qualify as sexual immorality, thus qualifying me for re-marriage.

The family never responded to my e-mail.  I’m offended that they assumed I ignored those verses in the Bible; hurt by their legalism and judgment; and angry that they are selfishly making this day about them, not about loving and supporting our marriage. But, frankly, if that’s their stance, then I don’t want them there.

What I’ve Learned…

•June 6, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Sunblest has been my home for the last 5 years. It’s the place I “grew up” post-divorce, where I’ve done the majority of my healing, the space I searched and found myself.  My counselor challenged me to write about some of the lessons I’ve learned as a way of commemorating my time there – and perhaps providing some closure.  Below are just a small sampling of the lessons I’ve learned during my years in Fishers.  I’ve learned…

To cherish every day I’m granted to parent my girls (post Sophie falling out the window and Cloe’s allergic reaction last summer)

To be aware of my surroundings (post-mugging)

To be more open – on and off my blog – and accepted by others (post my “I’m not going to trust anyone” life)

To have girlfriends (post previously having mostly male friends)

To set physical goals and achieve them (post running 4 mini-marathons, lifting, and detox-ing)

To drive in the “big city” (post many close calls and getting lost more times than I can count)

To love and be loved (post walling myself off and not being open to love)

How a Co-Worker Made My Day

•June 3, 2011 • 1 Comment

“What size shoe do you wear?” my co-worker asked.  I complimented her on her outfit, which launched an entire conversation about clothing and accessories, including Charming Charlie’s, a new store close to work that I’ve been told I need to check out.

“7.5 or 8,” I responded.  “Why?”

“Oh, you’re my size! I cleaned out my closet and have some shoes I’m going to get rid of.  I think you might like them.”

“REALLY?”  My eyes became saucers.

Sure enough, the next day at work I received a bag with TWO new pairs of shoes!  In my size!  That are cute!

And that’s how a co-worker made my day!

Is This Really Necessary?

•June 2, 2011 • Leave a Comment

I walked into a public restroom and saw this posted on the stall.  Is it really necessary to remind people to flush the toilet in a public, business bathroom?  (Sadly, it likely is since it was posted…)

From the Heart

•June 1, 2011 • 4 Comments

This is a post that flows straight from the heart.  No fluff.  Just raw emotion…because this is where we are right now.

The last 10 months have been some of the hardest in my life, rivaled only by my divorce.  Jonathan and I have been deeply wounded by those closest to us.  Falsely accused.  Criticized.  Ignored.  Betrayed.  We’ve felt abandoned by God.  Under attack.  Like Job.  Weary.

Relationships have been severed.  Healthy boundaries have been put in place.  More tears have been shed than we can count.  We’ve experienced sleepless nights.  Countless counseling sessions.  Angering phone calls.  Torturous nightmares.  Nasty emails.  This situation has stolen our joy and tainted our engagement. 

…but there has been good that has come from all this muck.  Jonathan and I have had to fight together.  Lean on one another.  Respond in a united front.  Perhaps God answered my prayer to prepare us for marriage with these struggles.    

If you are among those we have entrusted with the details regarding these pains, we love and appreciate you and your support.  We thank God for you.  If you don’t know that which I speak of, well, please don’t ask.  Just pray.

 “After you have suffered a little while, the God of Grace, who has called you to eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” -1 Peter 5:10

Routine

•May 31, 2011 • Leave a Comment

I’m a routine person. 

I get ready for work in the same order.  I pack my gym bag in the same order.  I put on my make up in the same order.  I do my weight routine in the same order. 

My routine-ness acts as somewhat of a security for me that I won’t forget to do something.  On the other hand, I have a friend who does things differently each morning – on purpose – as a way to keep his mind “always on its toes.”  When he told me that (years ago), I thought he was nuts.

…until I read recently in my May Real Simple magazine, “The brain responds to novel experiences by releasing a rush of neurotransmitters, such as dopamine, which make you more alert.”

Now I’m beginning to question my routine routine.  Perhaps I’ll brush my teeth with my left hand just to shake things up a bit. 🙂

Are you a routine person?

A Statistic I Can Believe In.

•May 27, 2011 • 2 Comments

I read the following in O (Oprah’s magazine) and thought, “Now THAT’S a statistic I can believe in!” 🙂

“Eat dark chocolate 5 or more times a week and you may be 57% less likely to have coronary heart disease than people who don’t.”