A Step of Faith

My counselor asked me a few weeks ago how I viewed God.  After some brief thought (after all, I do pay her by the hour), I responded, “Like a judge or schoolteacher.”  In essence, I pictured Him as someone in authority who mostly tells you when you’ve done something wrong. 

My counselor proceeded to paint a picture of a loving, more grandfather-type figure, Who rejoices when I wake in the morning so that I can talk with Him, One Who weeps when I’m hurting.  “I don’t know that God,” I told my counselor as my eyes welled up with tears.  “He sounds too good to be true.”

Logically, I knew that God is loving and kind and good and full of grace.  And yet there seemed to be a disconnect between what I head-knowledge knew to be true and heart-knowledge believed.

The discussion rocked my world.  The view I had of God for the last 28.5 years was suddenly challenged.  The God I claimed to serve – and devoted my ministry and life and livelihood to – was One that I apparently didn’t know.  The thought was devastating and frustrating.

God, Who are You?  Reveal Yourself to me.  I want to know You…not just the You I thought but the You that IS.  Please, show me.  

After several weeks of praying, journaling, wrestling, and questioning, I had a revelation as I was driving down Hazel Dell Parkway.  I was in the middle of yet another prayer, pleading that He would forgive my unbelief and show me Who He is.

For no particular reason, the story of Peter walking on the water came to mind.  Jesus, standing on the water, called to Peter, who was in the boat.  “Come to me.”  I’m sure Peter feared that the water wouldn’t hold his weight.  Gravity would surely win out, right?  But he had to take the step of faith in order for God to prove Himself.

That’s when it hit me.  Like Peter, maybe I needed to take the step of faith of believing – in my head and my heart – that He is loving and kind and good and full of grace in order for God to come through for me.  Then and there, in my little blue Civic, I decided to believe that God is Who He  says He is.     

Who is He?  Admittedly, I’m still digging into the Scriptures to figure it out.  But at least I made the step of faith.

“Immediately, Jesus reached out His hand and caught him. ‘You of little faith,’ He said. ‘Why did you doubt?'” -Matthew 14:31

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~ by Serena on February 23, 2010.

One Response to “A Step of Faith”

  1. […] wrote about my revelation in A Step of Faith that God is good, though bad things still happen.  And in my Follow Up that God loves me and can […]

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