Broken and Beautiful

Broken and BeautifulI had a flashback on Friday night.  Thankfully, I don’t have them very often anymore.  But when I do, they’re doozeys. 

I was headed with a friend to a Mark Schultz concert in Terre Haute on I-70 West.  It’s a familiar drive.  My ex-husband and I made it frequently, as it was the route we took to visit his family. 

We were somewhere past Plainfield when it happened.  We reached a pause in conversation, so I glanced out the window.  No sooner did I turn my head to the right, I was transported back in time.  It took only seconds for the familiar terrain to bring back a flood of emotion.

Usually by that point in the drive, my ex-husband had already picked a fight with me or was lecturing me on his useless point of the day.  And so, usually by that point in the drive, I focused my attention outside the car…really, anywhere but the misery that was inside the car.  

I stared longingly at passing vehicles.  I imagined what it would be like to be in their car, to be part of their seemingly happy conversation.   Maybe they would appreciate me…  They drove on obliviously.

The only people who seemed to notice me were the semi-drivers.  We would make eye contact as they passed.  It was as if I was pleading for someone to see me.  Someone to care.  Although I never said a word, my lifeless expression said it all. 

“You okay?” my friend asked, jarring me from my mental anguish.

“Not really,” I responded.  I couldn’t help but feel broken all over again. 

A few hours later…

Mark Schultz took the stage at the concert.  His second song was Broken and Beautiful, one of my favorites. About halfway through, he said, “There are those of you here tonight who have been broken by life circumstances.  Sing with me now as we praise Jesus that He can redeem the brokenness and make it beautiful.” 

Alleluia, Alleluia, Come as you are.  Surrender your heart.  Broken and beautiful.

I sang from the tips of my toes, feeling broken…and beautiful.

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~ by Serena on September 15, 2009.

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