Healing

rough roadThe road to healing can be a tough one.  It’s personal.  It’s intimate.  It’s lonely.  After all, I’m the only one who has been through my life experiences.  Friends can sympathize.  Counselors can listen.  But very few people can actually relate.

For the last 10 months, I have been in counseling.  Not just any counseling.  Intense, personal counseling that has forced me to delve into the depths of my pain, the corners of my heart, and remember.  To remember the abuse, years of my life that I long to erase.  To face the demons.  To again recount the lies that were engrained in my brain.

It has been painful.  But I’m committed to peeling back the layers, breaking down the walls around my heart. 

And it is starting to pay off.  For the first time in over 6 years, I’m starting to feel again.  My heart, which has been so numb and blocked by walls that I’ve built, has come alive.

It has been bittersweet.  Not only do I feel joy, I also experience moments of sadness and anger.  Those emotions were present before, but they were so masked by my apathetic, self-protecting soul that I didn’t truly engage them.  I’ve had moments of giddy expectancy and agonizing pain.  I cry at the drop of a hat… because I can finally feel again.

No one else could walk this road of healing for me.  I have had to do it by myself.  It has been a long, hard, lonely road at times, but I have persevered.  And it has been 100% worth it…because I’m worth it. 

“Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” –James 1:4

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~ by Serena on August 18, 2009.

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