Disappointed

sad-face1I wasn’t able to run the Mini on Saturday.  I’m sad, angry, and disappointed.

What I failed to mention in my blog on Friday is that I came down with a cold last week.  It started on Tuesday with a tight chest, but I thought I could manage it with Zicam and Mucinex.  On Thursday when my symptoms got worse, I frantically went to the doctor, begging her to cure me.  She prescribed an antibiotic but said there was little else she could do.  That night I came down with a dreaded fever. 

My fever thriving, I spent most of Friday in bed and in prayer.  “God, I know You can heal me.  Please, won’t You?”  “God, You gave me the desires of my heart, and my desire is to run the Mini tomorrow.  Please help my fever break before then.”  “You know how much I want this, God.  But not my will but Yours be done.”

I barely slept Friday night.  I was up every hour, coughing, blowing my nose, and looking at the clock.  “God, You have 5 more hours to cure me.  Please?” 

God didn’t break my fever in time.  While 35,000 of my closest friends were running the race I prepared for, I was laying miserably in bed, in tears.  “Why, God?  I don’t understand.” 

I KNOW God could have healed me.  And so I’m left wondering why He didn’t. 

Perhaps I would have had a bad interaction with my ex-husband (who was also signed up to run).  Perhaps I had the swine flu, and He didn’t want me to cause a massive outbreak.  Perhaps this is a lesson in trusting Him.

I trained 6 months for this race.  I was ready.  And I’m disappointed.  Clearly, His ways are not my own.

Thankfully, that is not the end of my sad post.  My brother and I signed up for the Geist Half-Marathon in two weeks.  All is not lost. 

“My flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” –Psalm 73:26

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~ by Serena on May 4, 2009.

2 Responses to “Disappointed”

  1. I’m not going to try and act like it’s no big deal, because i understand how much you mentlaly prepare for these races, and it’s hard to have to adjust when you don’t get to “go for” your mental goal.

    With that said, I ran Geist last year, and it’s a great race. It’s well-run, well-organized, and is frankly a much more scenic route than the Mini. It’s more challenging as well, with more hills than the mini. Best of luck with it!

  2. I’m so sorry to hear you were ill. I am glad you are on the road to recovery now.

    I wish you all the best in the upcoming marathon in Geist! (maybe I will see you on that news footage). 🙂

    Blessings my friend!

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